the funny thing is...

Happy Valentine's Day to the few beloveds who actually read my blog :) <3
I know the Love Day rightfully deserves it's own blog entry, but I have too much to say, and absolutely nothing to say on the matter, that I just can't express to you at the moment. When it all sorts through my head, I will write. But that time is not now. My apologies.


Today was the day. 
The day I would find the cheap, yet perfect beach cruiser of my dreams. 
The one that would romance me along the streets of downtown Santa Barbara, ride me through the (soon coming) warm summer breeze, who's wheels would turn as I whistles a merry high pitched song, and who would gladly drop me off and be waiting for me patiently as I sipped my afternoon latte. 


Yes these were the honest day dreams that came along with this new bike I'd find today. 


Here's how it began. 
Cota Street + walking to State = bike would be better, faster
Easy enough.
Bank Account + 500 dollar shiny new bike... = Craigslist. 


I have become a firm firm believer in buying goodies off craigslist. So many treasures, and so much crap. 
So I'm browsing the bike listings at work and no joke one add was titled:
KICK ASS BIKE!!!! 
Sorry but I couldn't resist. It was this old school, really odd looking thing for 50 bucks so I texted the guy (Tony was his name, HA) The bike was still available.


"Okay, okay, cool so that's an option. I mean 50 bucks... hard to beat."
But then I wake up this morning with Craigslist still my back pocket option, but why risk my chances, I want to nail this and get a sweet cruiser, and be riding it TODAYYYY.
So I pop to Walmart (generic but cheap). Nothing catches my eye, too much ugly pink and sparkly red. 
Next I look at 4 different shops downtown. Way to pricey! Just because I live in SB doesn't mean I'm a millionaire  like the rest of them. 


"Welp.. O well Jenna, you tried today, and just didn't find it. We're gunu keep being patient and wait till the perfect baby comes around."
Ps. I seriously talk to myself like this. This isn't just blogging, this is real life. When no ones around I am still speaking. 


So I am at peace, and heading to the pool, when Tony calls. Saying if I want his bike I need to get it now. 


Can we just talk about how shady Craigslist can be real quick??
You start talking to this bizarre stranger, and agree to meet them wherever they are, to pick up some life belonging of theirs. It's seems rare when you pull up to a nice normal looking house, and after hearing Tony's voice on the phone I started praying for my safety. I'm not even kidding! 
BUT I STILL WANT A BIKE! So I get 50 bucks in cash and start praying as I drive to Palm Street to meet Tony. 


I was right, this guy seemed like the next freaky looking Craigslist killer. So I looked at the bike,
(Tony custom made it, iron swirly handle bars, mexican blanket covering the huge seat, bells hanging off the sides, the whole 9 yards. "Ehh kinda odd.. but original. I mean Ima pretty original girl right?? Yea I can rock this" I thought) gave him the 50 bucks and bounced the heck outta there. 


I'm stoked! I'm driving away singing, sending out texts to family, on cloud 9! I have a cool original bike that was extremely cheap!!! I named her Mrs. Mexican... for good reason. 
After day dreaming of her, and our upcoming adventures at the pool, I buy some army green spray paint (to freshen her up), a tarp for the rain, and a really good lock. I'm just doing it all. 


I pull up to my apartment itching to test drive her. 
The. moment. of. truth. 
I am laughing out loud right now thinking about what actually happened here, and how I can never accurately describe this to you. 
This bike weighs like 500 pounds with all of good ol' Tony's detailing, so pulling it out of my car is already a bad start. 
Then I get on it, the mexican seat is so wide my feet hardly touch the street. Then I start peddling but am sitting too far back on this 2 foot long seat that my feet can't peddle. So I am literally wobbling on this thing convinced that the whole word is witnessing. 
Talking to myself "Whoaaa okayyyy, whoooaaaa this is weird." 
I see a man sitting in his car watching me and my embarrassed laugh comes out with a face that's communicating, are you seeing this?! get  a load of me on this crazy bike. hahahaaaaa super funny right cus I'm actually a good bike rider and you'd never know!!!


Okay I stop. Get a hold of myself, and try again with my whole body much closer to the handle bars. And my feet actually can peddle!
"Oh my gosh, okay yes!! here we gooooo!" 
I'm doing it, and the simple feeling of riding a bike without the risk of serious injury is relieving.
I'm up to a pretty good speed here, and then want to stop to turn around. There are no handle breaks, so my feel automatically reverse the peddles to break. 


There are no breaks. 
There are no breaks. 
Not only does this machinery ride way weirder than it looked, but there are no breaks. 


My feet slam down onto the pavement and start to slow my speed, and the sad/pissed thoughts begin to enter my head.
Oh just a minor detail Mr. Tony forgot to mention. Fantastic. This will never do, riding along the busy streets of downtown. Should I have asked him if it had breaks? Isn't that kind of a given? Gosh how dumbb! Now I'm left with this hunk of junk and still don't have my dream bike. The regret of not buying the shiny purple one with the cup holder and NEW BREAKS entered my head. 


There is no happy ending yet. 
Moral of the story, please learn from me, and when you buy something off Craigslist bring a full blown check list of questions. Test drive, test drive, test drive until the seller makes you come back. 


Donations of cool beach cruisers welcome.